Today is a Day of Hope

Today marks the 1st year anniversary of my boyfriend Fergus’ diagnoses:


That’s the big C, isn’t it? The one we all fear. The one the Daily Mail claims you can get from absolutely anything including candles and babies. The one I or anybody I know isn’t supposed to get. The one that ultimately means a death sentence, does it not?

When at first you are hit square in the face by the knowledge of this disease ravaging the body of someone you love; you immediately assume death. And loss and tears, and sickness, and pain, and uncertainty and hopelessness. It will all go on forever and there’s nothing you or anyone can do about it. There’s a feeling in the pit of your stomach like a deep black hole and it swallows every bit of hope and happiness into its, gaping black mouth.

In the current Harry Potter climate, I feel it is relevant to describe the feelings I felt on the day of Fergus’ diagnoses like that of a ‘Dementor’s’ influence: “… they drain pace, hope and happiness out of the air around them… Get too near a Dementor and every good feeling; every happy memory will be sucked out of you.”

However, as Dumbledore once wisely said: … Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” And how relevant is such a quotation, considering it is from a children’s fictional story.

And for all cancer sufferers everywhere, keep that light on. Do not lose hope because when Pandora opened her box and let out everything that was good, she managed to save hope which is why we can always rely on hope in the end.

Fergus had hope. It kept him strong throughout his treatment. There was a light at the end of his dark, endless journey. He also had a positive diagnoses on his side: His cancer was the ‘curable’ type. He would survive and live long given the right treatment.

And not once have I heard him complain about his illness. Yes, he has expressed fears and sadness, but not once have I heard a single complaint about his situation come out of his mouth. Many complain about mundane things on a daily basis, but not Fergus. He dealt with his situation in a noble and brave fashion and I feel he is an inspiration to all.

Not only did he have hope, but he can now give hope to others. He can assure them that cancer is not the end. Although the disease is usually entirely associated with negative experiences, every cloud has a silver lining as they say.

He is cured.

He has managed to give up smoking, he has cut down on alcohol, he is healthier than ever before and most of all, the experience has brought him and I closer than ever before.

I can look back on last year with hope in my heart and I now feel true happiness once again.

Happier times, innit?


5 Responses

  1. This is a lovely blog post Franny! So glad to hear that Fergus is now much better!
    Your story about how Fergus never complains reminds me of my friend Paul. He was the same when he was diagnosed, all 3 times. Unfortunatly he passed away in July but he was also an inspiration to others.
    I wish Fergus all the best 🙂

  2. I’m really proud that you have the courage to write this Franny. I know how hard it is to talk about something so personal.

  3. I have an ex that I am still close to who has just overcome a battle – doctors reckon she has had it most of her life as it was the size of a melon when it was removed…and it had begun to spread to her lung but thankfully it was at the very early stage – another week and she could have been terminal so the doctors said. It seems it is becoming and ever more pressing issue, especially among younger and younger patients.
    A warning for all males out there:-
    We are most susceptible to TESTICULAR cancer at this age – check regularly or it could mean the worst!!

  4. really beautiful, personal blog. I’m very happy to learn he is cured! I wish you both the best!

  5. Lovely blog Franny x

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